An Excuse Not to Exercise

I waited outside the yoga class, feeling every bit like a middle schooler abandoned by her friends. The instructor was nowhere to be seen. Sweaty men grunted over weight machines. Others pounded the treadmill. A desk worker stared into the void.

Had I gotten the time wrong?

I pulled out my phone, opened the app, and found the schedule in black and white. Yoga stretch at 7 a.m. This was the location listed. 

I arranged my mat. Placed my shoes perpendicular to the wall. Took an unnecessary sip of water. 

No one looked in my direction. 

The clock said 7:05.

An older woman sauntered into the gym. She wore leggings, a long T-shirt, and sandals. Her body was goals—toned, muscular, effortless. Relief washed over me like a cleansing breath.

“Are you taking this yoga class?” I asked. 

She stopped, glancing at my bare feet. “No. I don’t do that kind of stuff.”

“Oh.”

“Exercise,” she clarified. “I don’t exercise.”

“Noted.” Would this be an okay time to point out she was currently standing in a gym?

“I don’t need exercise classes or gym workouts,” she said. 

I believed her. She had the body to prove it. “Got it.” 

7:08 a.m.

She continued. “For workouts I clean the house, wash the car, things like that. This kind of stuff,” she gestured to the fitness equipment, “might be fine for others, but it is not for me. Exercise raises your cortisol levels, makes you hold onto all that extra fat. It does nothing but stress out the body. And I don’t need that.”

“Uh huh,” I said. 

She looked me up and down. “Do you exercise?”

Again. We were in a gym. “Yes.”

She shrugged. “Well, I guess you look okay.” She walked away.

“Thanks?” 

7:10 a.m. and no instructor. Perhaps the universe had just saved me from raised cortisol and stubborn fat. 

*Editor's note: Turns out exercise does briefly raise cortisol levels. However, according to approximately every medical source on the internet, levels return to normal within hours, and regular exercise is actually one of the recommended ways to lower chronic cortisol. Make of that what you will. She still looked incredible.