How much would you charge to blow into a dog’s mouth?

How much would you charge to blow into a dog’s mouth?

Keep in mind that the going rate is between $500-$700.

Why the range? I wondered the same thing. 

What constitutes the extra $200? 

The number of breaths transmitted to the canine? Or is it a per minute rate?

And what happens if the dog requires resuscitation beyond the $700 mark? 

These were the questions I faced at 7 a.m. on a Wednesday morning when dropping off the beloved family dog for a tooth extraction. The woman at reception slid a paper across the desk. 

“Because anesthesia is involved, consent is required if you’d like CPR performed on your dog in case of an emergency.”

I looked at the boxes.

Box One: Yes ($500-$700)

Box Two: No (Dead dog)

Okay, the dead dog in parenthesis was my personal addition, but it was implied.

I looked between the empty boxes and the quivering dog at my feet. Even though I grew up as a farm girl in western Nebraska, I have to admit the dog has wormed his way into family member status rather than family pet. But $500-$700? 

And how would we ever know? What if I checked yes and they just told me they performed CPR? 

These were heavy questions before the caffeine from my coffee had fully kicked in. 

I made a mark next to the Yes Box. 

I took a seat in the waiting area, and our King Charles Cavalier jumped right into my lap, his soulful eyes pleading that we take our exit before it’s too late. As he snuggled close, shaking against my chest, I wrinkled my nose. “Dog, your breath smells like a dumpster.”

This was the source of the problem. Two rotten teeth in the middle of his mouth that needed to come out. I’d taken care of his teeth the best I could, but when you have three human children to homeschool, a dog’s dental hygiene doesn’t take top priority. 

Those teeth had to come out. And if something went wrong on the operating table, someone would have to blow into that stanky mouth. 

Perhaps $500-$700 was a bargain.

It gets worse. 

When I got home, I couldn’t stop thinking about dog CPR. I’ve been certified in human CPR by the American Red Cross, so I had some knowledge of the general procedure, but I couldn’t picture what this might look like on a dog.

Of course, now that the Internet is in existence, there is no more need to wonder anything. I went home and watched this YouTube video. 

Turns out you don’t blow in a dog’s nose, but rather you put your mouth fully over both nostrils (after properly clearing the air passage and yanking their tongue out of their mouth, which works especially well if the tongue is rubber and the dog isn’t real — see video and try not to laugh.) 

And now I wait. Somewhere across town, a veterinary professional may or may not be pressing their mouth against my dog's nose. For $500-$700. Which I consented to. Before my coffee kicked in.

Worth every penny. Probably.